Cutting Evidence
by Kat-Renee Kittel
Summary: This is a spoof on the last episode of Law & Order with Elizabeth Rohm. Please R&R.


**EVIDENCE ON THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR:**  
**What really happened in the Law & Order episode on NBC, January 12, 2005.**

**Off the record - the real reason Serena Southerlyn was fired from the DA's office of New York City:**

(Note: The following was "edited out of the final cut," because the writers went for shock value at the expense of character continuity. In other words they had mush for brains, and were in league with the Daleks and Teletubbies.

At least Exec. ADA Jack McCoy had the decency of not being at Serena's meeting with Arthur. According to Elizabeth Rohm in an interview, she and Sam Waterston have become friends. The following is tongue and cheek - as a writer, I think Rohm's last episode could have been written and played with more class and finesse. -Kat)

We join the last scene already in progress. Serena is speaking with the D. A...

Serena - "You know how where I stand on that kid the jury acquitted."

Arthur - "Yes, and that's exactly why I asked you to stop by my office. You know Serena, if you were right, you were right for the wrong reasons."

Serena - "Meaning?"

Arthur - "Emotion and not facts. What was it you said that everyone you talked to said he couldn't have killed that man?"

Serena - "My emotional responses make me...

Arthur - "An Advocate. You're a superb attorney. You ought to be involved in cases that feed your passion."

Serena - "Well, that would be wonderful."

Arthur - "But Serena, you must know that won't happen in this office. It can't. A prosecutor can be zealous, but not passionate. Advocacy is warm blooded. Enforcement's got to be cold blooded and blind and even handed."

Serena - "Does Jack feel as strongly about this as you do?"

Arthur - "No… But it's my office and my decision. He accepts that."

Serena - "Decision? So you've already made a decision."

Arthur - "Yes...You're fired."

Serena - "Is this because of my sexual preference?"

Arthur - "Oh no, Serena, of course not. I used to be a Republican senator from the back woods of Tennessee. I have more respect for you than that. I have to fire you, because Jack needs an assistant with black hair. Took the producer a few years, but he finally found someone to replace you. She's short and even sounds like you. She's a lousy attorney, but she was willing to dye her hair black, and her looks are more consistent with the last three ADAs. The producer wants the audience to pay more attention to Jack. To do that, his assistants all have to look alike.

"You were only hired in the first place because Jack was still obsessing about his assistant, Claire Kincaid who was killed by a drunk driver. He made peace with her death years ago, so we don't need a blonde haired ADA anymore. I know you will make a good Advocate for a cause you can passionately believe in."

Serena - "Good…Good. And Jack is okay with this?"

Arthur - "Not really. That's why he's been distant and why he recused himself from this meeting. He thought firing you was in bad taste, after the loss of Jerry Orbach, but the producer made the final decision."

Serena - "The problem is you can't fire me, Arthur. Here's my resignation letter, dated earlier this week."

Arthur - "Well you could have saved me the trouble of sounding like Donald Trump. You know how I hate that show."

Serena - "So do I, but the audience would have missed your difference between a prosecutor and an advocate speech, and how I'm more qualified as an advocate, since I prefer to be warm and passionate versus zealous, cold, blind and even handed."

Arthur - "Oh, I would have given that speech anyway. And I'm still willing to give you a good reference with a public advocacy organization."

Serena - "Thanks. I was thinking of going into Family Law, instead. Maybe do a few cameos on Judging Amy."

Arthur - "Really?"

Serena - "Yes, actually. I just asked if this was about my sexual preference because the line was in the script. I was really upset at the thought of being fired because I wouldn't dye my hair black. I heard the rumors, and I do prefer fighting cases I passionately believe in. I would have resigned earlier in the episode, but the writers wanted me to say something to take a jab at you because of your _religious beliefs_, _incriminate myself_ and make me sound like a soap opera actress, simply because I was on One Life to Live for two years. I know you have more respect for me than to fire me over my personal life, no matter what your personal religious beliefs are."

Arthur - "I appreciate you saying that, Serena. You've really become like a daughter to me. I wouldn't have fired you either, save for the script. Maybe we should sue the writers."

Serena - "Great idea."

**;-)**


End file.
